Pirate, Adam and Eve, Y2Zero

A seaman met a pirate in a bar, and they took turns telling of their adventures on the seas. The seaman noted the pirate had a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch.

The seaman asked "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replied "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit off my leg ".

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?

"Well .", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well ." said the pirate, " it was my first day with the hook."

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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.

He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes; she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said "I wouldn't want to give up an arm and leg, What can I get for a just a rib?"

The rest is history.

***************************************************************************** Y Zero K

From a recently found scroll, kept in a clay jar, hidden in a long forgotten cave.

Translated from a Roman scroll:

Dear Cassius:

Are you still working on the Y Zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards.

You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at this last minute. I spoke to Pilate the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty.

We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.

Surely we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again?

Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. It's an ill wind

As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hourglass flowing upwards.

We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over

I have also heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life.

Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this blasted Y zero K problem. I will stick-mail a parchment to you if anything further develops. If you have any ideas please let me know,

Plutonius


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