THINGS TO PONDER
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends by fat.
Discover Wildlife...have kids.
Our policy is always to blame the computer.
Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-who-cares.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.
WORDS FROM A VISIONARY
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Some people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.
WORLDS THINEST BOOKS
Staying Happily Married by Elizabeth Taylor
Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno
Downhill Skiing by Sonny Bono
Atlantic Crossing of the Titanic by White Star Lines
My Lifes Memories by Ronald Reagan
Home Built Airplanes by John Denver
America's Most Popular Lawyers
Everything Men Know about Women
Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
All the men I've Loved Before by Ellen DeGeneres
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