Some Older Sayings

4 STAGES OF LIFE~~
        1. You believe in Santa Claus.
        2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
        3. You are Santa Claus.
        4. You look like Santa Claus.
~~FACTS OF LIFE~~
        1) Raising teenagers is like nailing JELL-O to a tree.
        2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look.  For 
example,  I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 
        3) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere 
and let the air out of their tires.
        4) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.  (Uh oh, I can 
really relate to this one, the stories my Granny Taylor used to tell)
        5) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
        6) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
        7) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not for the toy.
        8) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
        9) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
        10) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what 
else you can do while you're down there. 
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD~~
        Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  (Those of you who know me well 
will attest to the fact that I will never admit to growing up, it's simply not fun)
        Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
        Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
        You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you 
once got from a roller coaster.
        Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down
somewhere and forget where they left them.  (this one is definitely not true because there 
are tons and tons of outstanding Grandmothers out there)
        Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
        It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the
questions.
        I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
        There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
        Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
        Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
        Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
        Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness
        It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.  (I like
this one, I think laughter staves off a lot of bad things)
        Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
        Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

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