School Teachings

Some grade school teachers keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

   - The future of "I give" is "I take."
   - The parts of speech are lungs and air.
   - The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
   - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the
      population.
   - Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
      gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
   - (Define H2O and CO2.)  H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
   - A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
   - The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
   - A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it
      through an aviator.
   - Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
   - The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
   - The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and
       you sit on the bottom.
   - We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our
       silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
   - One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
   - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly
 	constipated authorities.
   - One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
   - To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it
      drips into the throat.
   - The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
   - The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
   - Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply
      religious feelings.
   - The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the
      top and plural at the bottom.
   - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
   - The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and
      up the other.
   - In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
   - Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
   - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
   - A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the
     winter.
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