School Excuses

Thought you guys might get a laugh out of these, even though we've heard some of them before.

Subject:  Excuse Notes from Parents
These are actual alleged excuse notes from
parents (including original spelling)> ...> ..
My son is under a doctor's care and should not
take P.E. today.  Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick
and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on
Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today.
She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced
his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth
taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was
playing football.  He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because
she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre
in his side.
Please excuse Ray on Friday from school.  He has
very loose vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday.
He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed
his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being.  It was his
father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
shopping because I don't know what size she wears.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school
yesterday.  We forgot to get the Sunday paper
off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday.
We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she
was tired.  She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday.
She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having
a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and
under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because
she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset
stomach.  Her sister was also sick, fever and
sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
and ached all over.  I wasn't the best either, sore
throat and fever.  There must be something going
around, her father even got hot last night.

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