Puns 2001

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The 
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one 
carrion allowed per passenger." 
2. Two boll weevils grew up in Mississippi. One went to Hollywood and 
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and 
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the 
lesser of two weevils. 
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire 
in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak 
and heat it, too. 
4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up 
to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root 
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. 
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing 
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about 
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't 
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 
7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes 
to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in 
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of 
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her 
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband 
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." 
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up 
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. Theyiignored him. So, the 
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug 
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. 
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can 
prevent florist friars. 
9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man who fasted 
regularly. Some may not realize that fasting,when practiced regularly 
and for extended periods, leads not only to weight loss, but can also 
cause bad breath. No matter, his interests were higher. This great 
leader hardly ever wore shoes. One might say he was ... a 
super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. 
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to 
friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them 
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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