On This and On That


ON PERCEPTION - 
        "The face of your beloved may be the face of my worst enemy, 
          the food you crave maycause nausea in me." 
          Depak Chopra M.D., Ageless Body Timeless Mind
 
ON METAPHYSICS
         Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked
         in the head like this before.
 ON DEEP THOUGHTS
         A day without sunshine is like night.
 ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
         There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".
         If  you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you
         take it back and demand a refund?
 ON HIGHER EDUCATION
         College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there
         to drink.
 ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
         A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
 ON YOUTH
         Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
         true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
                 -- Steven King, 3/8/90
 ON PROBLEM SOLVING
         When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
         resemble a nail.
                 -- Abraham Maslow
 ON MATERIALISM
         He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
 ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
         Photons have mass?  I didn't know they were Catholic=FF
 ON INFINITY
         If you had everything, where would you keep it?
 ON ECONOMICS
         The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
 ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
         I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
         someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at
         the top.
                 -- English Professor, Ohio University
 ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
         What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
 ON DATING
         When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the
         occasional division by zero.
 ON POETIC LOVE
         When you're swimmin' in the creek
         And an eel bites your cheek
         That's a moray
                 -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
 ON MODERNISM
         Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
         A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the
            bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
 ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
         Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.=
 ON EXTINCTION
         Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
 ON LITERATURE
         This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be
         thrown with great force.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
 ON HUMILITY
         To err is human, to moo bovine.
 ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
         ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire
         was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful
         termination of their C programs.
                 -- Robert Firth
 ON PROPHECY
         The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
 ON EXCUSES
         I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.  -- Joe Walsh
 ON NUMBERS
         Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large
         values of 2.
 ON WORLD POLITICS
         Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find
         a rock.
 AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
         There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and
         UNIX.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
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