Medical Terms, Redneck

     Although I usually avoid posting and reading humor, the following
medical terminology was passed to me by  oncology nurse
 practitioner and may be useful with some doctors.
Thought you would get a laugh from these.
    REDNECK MEDICAL TERMS
    Benign                      What you be after you be eight.
    Artery                      The study of paintings.
    Bacteria                    Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium                      What doctors do when patients die.
    Cesarean Section            A neighborhood in Rome.
    CAT Scan                    Searching for Kitty.
    Cauterize                   Made eye contact with her.
    Coma                        A punctuation mark.
    D&C                         Where Washington is.
    Dilate                      To live long.
    Enema                       Not a friend.
    Fester                      Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula                      A small lie.
    Genital                     Non-Jewish person.
    G. I. Series                World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail                    What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent                    Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain                  Getting hurt at work.
    Medical Staff               A Doctor's cane.
    Morbid                      A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates                    Cheaper than day rates.
    Node                        Something ya knew all along.
    Outpatient                  A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear                   A slur against yer Daddy's honor.
    Pelvis                      Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post Operative              A letter carrier.
    Recovery Room               Place to do re-upholstery.
    Rectum                      Damn near totaled the pick-up.
    Secretion                   Hiding something.
    Seizure                     Roman emperor.
    Tablet                      A small table.
    Terminal Illness            Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumor                       More than one.
    Urine                       Opposite of "yer out."
    Varicose                    Near by/close by.

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