Medical Terms, Redneck

     Although I usually avoid posting and reading humor, the following
medical terminology was passed to me by  oncology nurse
 practitioner and may be useful with some doctors.
Thought you would get a laugh from these.
    Benign                      What you be after you be eight.
    Artery                      The study of paintings.
    Bacteria                    Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium                      What doctors do when patients die.
    Cesarean Section            A neighborhood in Rome.
    CAT Scan                    Searching for Kitty.
    Cauterize                   Made eye contact with her.
    Coma                        A punctuation mark.
    D&C                         Where Washington is.
    Dilate                      To live long.
    Enema                       Not a friend.
    Fester                      Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula                      A small lie.
    Genital                     Non-Jewish person.
    G. I. Series                World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail                    What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent                    Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain                  Getting hurt at work.
    Medical Staff               A Doctor's cane.
    Morbid                      A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates                    Cheaper than day rates.
    Node                        Something ya knew all along.
    Outpatient                  A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear                   A slur against yer Daddy's honor.
    Pelvis                      Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post Operative              A letter carrier.
    Recovery Room               Place to do re-upholstery.
    Rectum                      Damn near totaled the pick-up.
    Secretion                   Hiding something.
    Seizure                     Roman emperor.
    Tablet                      A small table.
    Terminal Illness            Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumor                       More than one.
    Urine                       Opposite of "yer out."
    Varicose                    Near by/close by.

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