Medical Humor 3

A COLLECTIVE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS


The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized

The skin was moist and dry

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation

She is numb from her toes down

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress

Patient was alert and unresponsive

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

A recent one - and real (identifying details have been changed to protect the guilty):

A guy was brought into the ER quite intoxicated and combative. The medical record showed that his name was Church Moore. ER staff couldn't get his attention - he didn't respond to "Mr Moore" or "Church." While he was getting x-rays, someone looked at the police call report - the guy's name was Frank Smith, he had been picked up on the corner of Church and Moore Streets

Docco

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