Welcome to the Managed Friends Network, a whole new way of
thinking about friends and relationships.  The Managed Friends
Network combines all of the advantages of a traditional friends
network with important time-saving and cost-effective features.
     How does it work?
Under the Managed Friends Network, you choose your friends from a
network of pre-screened, accredited Friends Providers (FPs).  All
your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friends
     What's wrong with my current friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services
from a network of providers haphazardly patched together from
your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools.  The result is often
costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict.  Many of your
current friends may not meet national standards, responding to
your needs with inappropriate, outmoded, or even experimental
acts of friendship.  Under Managed Friends, your friendship needs
are coordinated by your designated Best Friend, who will ensure
the quality and goodness of fit of all your friendly
     How do I know that the Managed Friends Network's
     panel of friends is not made up of a bunch of losers
     who can't make  friends on their own?
Many of today's most dedicated and highly trained Friends
Providers are as concerned as we are about delivering Quality
Friends in a time-saving and cost-effective manner.  They have
joined our network because they want to focus on acting like a
friend rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high
"bad-friends" premiums that have caused the cost of traditional
friendship to skyrocket.  Our Friends Providers have met the
rigorous standards of the Managed Friends Network for
companionship and loyalty.
     What if I need a special friend, say,
     for poker or fishing?
Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and
expensive activities that burden already costly relationships.
Under the Managed Friends Network, your Best Friend is qualified
to pre-approve your referral to a Special Friend within the
Managed Friendship Network should your needs fall outside of the
scope of his/her friendship.
     Suppose I want to see friends outside
     the Managed Friends Network?
You may make friends outside of the Managed Friends Network only
in the event of a Friendship Emergency.
     What is a "Friendship Emergency?"
The Managed Friends Network covers your friendship needs 24 hours
a day, 365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of town,
after regular business hours, or when your Best Friend is with
someone else.  You might be on a business trip, for instance, and
suddenly find that you are feeling lonely.  In such cases, you
may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly activities will
be covered under the Managed Friends Network, provided you notify
the Managed Friends Office or the 24-hour Friends Hot-line
(1-800-FRIENDS) within two business days.
     What friendly activities are covered under the Managed
Friends Network?
Friendly Activities that are typically covered include:
   - Agreeing with you
   - Appearing sympathetic
   - Chewing the fat
   - Dropping by
   - Feeling your pain
   - Gossiping
   - Hanging out
   - Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)* -
   - Joshing
   - Kidding around
   - Listening to you whine*
   - Partying
   - Passing the time
   - Patting your back
   - Ribbing
   - Sharing a meal
   - Shooting the breeze
   - Slinging the bull
   - Teasing
Note: *up to 15 minutes under the Premium Gold Friends Plan
What friendly activities are not covered under the Managed
Friends Network?
Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not
limited to):
   - Bar hopping
   - Bending over backwards
   - Drinking to excess
   - Giving a hoot
   - Going the extra mile
   - Lending money
   - Real empathy
   - Truly caring
     How can I find out more about the Managed Friends Network?
A simple call is all it takes.  If you need a friend, just call
our toll-free number (1-800-FRIENDS).  Or visit our web site
(www.mfn.wegotyounow)  Sign up for the Managed Friends Network
and rest easier with the knowledge that all of your appropriate
friendship needs will be met.
Who decides what's appropriate for me?
We do.  Isn't that what friends are for?
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