HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
- 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- 2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
- 3) Insist that your e mail address is:
- Xena-Warrior-Princess@OCDSB.edu.on.ca or Elvis-the-King@OCDSB.edu.on.ca
- 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- 5) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
- 6) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- 7) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- 8) In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."
- 9) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
- 10) Dont use any punctuation
- 11) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- 12) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
- 13) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- 14) Sing along at the opera.
- 15) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- 16) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- 17) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- 18) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
- 19) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
- 20) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
- 21) Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
....And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
22) Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
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