A Guy Thing

 "I'M GOING FISHING"
 Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously
 stupid, and stand by a
 stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim
 by in complete safety."
 "IT'S A GUY THING"
 Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
 connected with it and you
 have no chance at all of making it logical".
 "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
 Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
 "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
 Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
 response.
 "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
 Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
 "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
 Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
 cleaner."
 "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
 Translated: "Are you still talking?"
 "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
 Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
 the address of the first
 girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification
 numbers of every car I've
 ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
 "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE
 ROSES."
 Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was
 a real babe."
 "OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG
 DEAL."
 Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but
 will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
 "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
 Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
 "I CAN'T FIND IT."
 Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
 hands, so I'm completely clueless."
 "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
 Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
 "I HEARD YOU."
 Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
 just said, and am hoping
 desperately that I can fake it well enough so that
 you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
 "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
 Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and
 realize it could be worse."
 "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
 Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more
 outfit, I'm starving."
 I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

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