CORPORATE MERGERS In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see: Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Company merge to become *Hale Mary Fuller Grace*. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become *Polly-Warner-Cracker*. 3M and Goodyear merge to become *MMMGood*. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become *Deere Abi*. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become *Zip Audi Do Da*. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become *Honey I'm Home*. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become*Mine, All Mine*. MY SPELL CHEQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea Eye strike a key and type a work And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. -Sauce unknown ------------------------------------------------- BRAINS VS BRAWN The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said with a smile,"All right. Get in.
and one more ....
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything.
I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay...
I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede.
"Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.
He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered.
The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door.
10 minutes later... no centipede.
20 minutes later... no centipede.
30 minutes later... no centipede.
By this point the man is wondering what's going on.
The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.
45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can't imagine what could have happened.
Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it ... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper.
What's the matter?" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"
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