Subject: PetSmart Shopper

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Pedigree Petfood for Scooter my wonder dog at Petsmart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Petfood diet again - although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pedigree dry nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

Petsmart won't let me shop there anymore.


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