Oklahoma

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma (which is

celebrating its centennial in 2007). . .

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work

there, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in

Oklahoma .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a

wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma .

If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you

may live in Oklahoma .

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may

live in Oklahoma .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both

unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use

them, you may live in Oklahoma .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and

everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Oklahoma .

If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully

excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live

in Oklahoma .

If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Okie

friends & others, you definitely live in Oklahoma . We're friendly folks!

Rules of Oklahoma

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup

truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get

dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like

money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35

goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines

that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try

to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL

shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your

ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's

available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious

holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you

can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,

vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante

Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that

stuff they eat . . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the

West . . . and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served

over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she'd better be cute, know

how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and high school football & basketball is important here and

fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it

spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma

. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country,

and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so

"Don't Mess with Oklahoma ." If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

Oklahoma is the greatest state ever!!

If you do not repost this, you are not a true Okie!!!!! Happy Birthday to us!

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This page created and maintained by Dave Palmer

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