Unknown sources. Maybe true, maybe just creative writing. Hope they bring a smile.
I stole the list from Bill Duncan at the Capital Press (www.The Capital Press .com)
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control. Bottomless pit of needs and wants. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. Does your train of thought have a caboose? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil. A PBS mind in an MTV world. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Better living through denial. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? Back off! You're standing in my aura. Adults are just kids who owe money. I have a computer and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Not all people are annoying. Some are dead. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. I plead contemporary insanity. And which seven dwarfs are you? I refuse to star in your psychodrama. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. How do I set a laser printer to stun? Meandering to a different drummer. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier.
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