• 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
  • 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  • 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
  • 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
  • 5 I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
  • 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
  • 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
  • 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing..
  • 11.. Out of my mind.. Back in five minutes.
  • 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinningmedicine.
  • 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
  • 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
  • 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
  • 19.. Procrastinate Now!
  • 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
  • 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  • 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
  • 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
  • 24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
  • 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
  • 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
  • 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  • 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
  • 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
  • 30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Will Rogers

This page created and maintained by Dave Palmer

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