Laws of Life: * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing some- thing else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. ------------------------------------------------------- Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage. When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps that have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches. Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack, into the lions' cage. "Oh, no!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"
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