11 year humor

>THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:
* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
* "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead
of the bull."
* "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them perspire."
* "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."
* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of
which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."
* "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."
* "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
* "For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
Artificial Perspiration."
* "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest
medical doctor."
* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
* "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
* "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
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KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes
on the last day of their life? --Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13
Home is where the house is. --Age 6
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he really
stinks. --Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to
upset him. --Age 10
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
saved up. --Age 7
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started. --Age 15
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